they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
