Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
