Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
