I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you made out with another girl for some wings
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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