dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
