I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
FUCK WHALES
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