He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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