shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
