Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
