I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
