shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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