I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
