The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
