I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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