just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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