I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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