Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
