You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
