When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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