i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
