Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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