How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
