My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
