apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
we're so committed to being not committed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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