Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
