Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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