i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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