I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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