I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
