i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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