i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
