those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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