I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
