I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
