Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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