he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
