I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
