having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
