Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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