This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
