Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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