I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i will never coherently bang her
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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