I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
