I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
