I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
