you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
