Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
