dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
