shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
