he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
