I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
