Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize